Fairy tales
Feigning a cloak of confidence to conceal the raging disquiet inside, I scanned the restaurant and headed for a table close to the back, where I could observe him searching for the 40-something woman that he'd shared several words around the telephone. He previously neither met me nor seen an image.
fairy tales
The year was 1986, well before internet dating. I'd purposely arrived early to give myself time and energy to acquire that elusive veneer of tranquility.
myths
The dating scene was indeed uncharted territory. Like a bride of just 18, I used to be ill-prepared for that complexities of marriage. This i was, 21 a number of five children later, newly separated, on a date with a man who answered an ad I had placed in the personal column from the local newspaper.
a fairy tale
"What was I thinking?" I muttered to myself. "This man happens to be an axe murderer!" I took several deep breaths.
Out of the corner of my attention I noticed a tall, attractive, bearded man heading in my direction. Feeling both fearful plus a little excited, I stood to shake his hand and exchange "glad-to-meet-you" pleasantries. We quickly busied ourselves with menus and meal choices, a diversion that eased us in to the discovery of similarities as well as the sharing of histories.
"So far so good," I thought to myself while i asked well-known question: "So, what triggered your separation?"
"We just grew apart," he soon started, elaborating on the gradual process that left all of them with little to express one to the other.
I went set for the kill. "What you think your spouse would say basically asked her exactly the same question?" (Hey, I am a social worker - asking probing questions was generate an income made my living.)
Silence. He stared out the window for which gave the look of a long time.
"Uh oh. I blew it," I admonished myself, biting my tongue in regret just as he soon started to reply to. I later found that it had been this inquiry that piqued his interest in me, because he felt the conversation enter a deeper, more authentic level.
That has been 24 in years past. My memories of that night remain vivid. The conversation flowed before head waiter's yawn sent us on a hunt for another venue. Off we visited the neighborhood mall, where we walked and talked... and walked and talked.
Placing the ad within the paper was a fortuitous act of impulse and curiosity. I didnrrrt desire to navigate the depressing singles bar scene. And i also didn't have desire to enter a significant relationship so just after my separation - roughly I needed thought.
For a time after our first date, common sense prevailed and that i took the time to satisfy a number of the other people who had responded to my ad. However, several disappointing dates later, I allowed myself to follow along with my heart as opposed to my head - a great decision, I now know.
The glow so prevalent in the early months of any relationship - ours included - blinded us from seeing ourselves as we were during the time. I was two lost souls, each fresh away from long-term marriages, each incapable of heal in the pain of failure, each trying to parent our confused children - and every unprepared for another relationship.
Yet somehow it worked so we pulled through. We lived separately for quite a while, which we felt was best since we had eight kids between us. Today we share good relationships with your children and stepchildren, and the've rewarded us with wonderful grandchildren who're simply "ours" - not "yours" or "mine."
On this man I came across someone who accepts me with all my imperfections and loves me because of - not regardless of - who I am, empowering me being myself constantly. He treats me with kindness, thoughtfulness and respect, and it has learned what I need from him when I'm feeling vulnerable. I trust him with my feelings.
fairy tales
The year was 1986, well before internet dating. I'd purposely arrived early to give myself time and energy to acquire that elusive veneer of tranquility.
myths
The dating scene was indeed uncharted territory. Like a bride of just 18, I used to be ill-prepared for that complexities of marriage. This i was, 21 a number of five children later, newly separated, on a date with a man who answered an ad I had placed in the personal column from the local newspaper.
a fairy tale
"What was I thinking?" I muttered to myself. "This man happens to be an axe murderer!" I took several deep breaths.
Out of the corner of my attention I noticed a tall, attractive, bearded man heading in my direction. Feeling both fearful plus a little excited, I stood to shake his hand and exchange "glad-to-meet-you" pleasantries. We quickly busied ourselves with menus and meal choices, a diversion that eased us in to the discovery of similarities as well as the sharing of histories.
"So far so good," I thought to myself while i asked well-known question: "So, what triggered your separation?"
"We just grew apart," he soon started, elaborating on the gradual process that left all of them with little to express one to the other.
I went set for the kill. "What you think your spouse would say basically asked her exactly the same question?" (Hey, I am a social worker - asking probing questions was generate an income made my living.)
Silence. He stared out the window for which gave the look of a long time.
"Uh oh. I blew it," I admonished myself, biting my tongue in regret just as he soon started to reply to. I later found that it had been this inquiry that piqued his interest in me, because he felt the conversation enter a deeper, more authentic level.
That has been 24 in years past. My memories of that night remain vivid. The conversation flowed before head waiter's yawn sent us on a hunt for another venue. Off we visited the neighborhood mall, where we walked and talked... and walked and talked.
Placing the ad within the paper was a fortuitous act of impulse and curiosity. I didnrrrt desire to navigate the depressing singles bar scene. And i also didn't have desire to enter a significant relationship so just after my separation - roughly I needed thought.
For a time after our first date, common sense prevailed and that i took the time to satisfy a number of the other people who had responded to my ad. However, several disappointing dates later, I allowed myself to follow along with my heart as opposed to my head - a great decision, I now know.
The glow so prevalent in the early months of any relationship - ours included - blinded us from seeing ourselves as we were during the time. I was two lost souls, each fresh away from long-term marriages, each incapable of heal in the pain of failure, each trying to parent our confused children - and every unprepared for another relationship.
Yet somehow it worked so we pulled through. We lived separately for quite a while, which we felt was best since we had eight kids between us. Today we share good relationships with your children and stepchildren, and the've rewarded us with wonderful grandchildren who're simply "ours" - not "yours" or "mine."
On this man I came across someone who accepts me with all my imperfections and loves me because of - not regardless of - who I am, empowering me being myself constantly. He treats me with kindness, thoughtfulness and respect, and it has learned what I need from him when I'm feeling vulnerable. I trust him with my feelings.